BIRTHDAY NOTES

Its only 2 more days heading to my birthday. Besides the best wishes, a birthday moment is always a gratitude to The Lord for every day's blessing, guidance, love, strength and HIS faithfulness.

When I recall the way GOD brings me to today, HIS never ending love that soothe my tears when I bring all the burden on HIS lap, HIS nodded head that understand me more than others [even more than I understand my self], HIS smile when HE recognize me doing something right [did I ever?], HIS eyes starring at me when I doubt HIM and it made HIM sad.

GOD, many times I just don't understand YOUR scenario and how all those things work for my good, I don't understand why certain things happen in my life. Even when there were someones did the wrongdoing on me, YOU asked me to forgive and bless.

Please bear with me LORD, be patient with me, give me more time to learn myself to understand within my limitation. I learn myself to comprehend that YOU love me, somehow, YOU have given Jesus Christ for me, so that I can receive life in eternity.

Forgive me LORD, most of the time when I doubt YOU, when I lost my faith and worry of the things. Many moments, I just could not pray and YOU seems so far away, but The Holy Spirit in me softly speaks to my heart that YOU are in me and never leave me alone.

I learn LORD, learn to know YOU better, to align my heart with YOUR heart so that I can feel, think and live YOUR love in my life. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardships as the pathway to peace,taking [as YOU did] this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it, trusting that YOU will make all things right, if I surrender to YOUR will, that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with YOU, forever in the next.

I thank YOU LORD JESUS & I sing praises to YOUR name, to declare YOUR loving kindness that YOU have redeemed my sins, YOUR faithfulness that YOU always accept me the way I am, no matters how many times I have failed, YOUR great patience to restore my life. If I live the way I am today, its only by YOUR amazing grace.

RING BACK TONE

..... kalau ku hidup, ku hidup bagiMU, hatiku tetap, tetap menyembahMU, dunia tak bisa, menjauhkanku dari kasihMU.... [If I live, I live for YOU, I remain worship YOU, the world can not take me apart from YOUR love]

It was sung by Sari Simorangkir, she's one of my favorite singer. I subscribed this TELKOMSEL "ring back tone" since few months ago. To me, this song is also the statement and a promise to my self that I will live for HIM, dedicated all my life to be in a part of accomplishing GOD's plan.

A week ago, one of my old friend surprised by my cell phone ring back tone when he was calling me. This "ring back tone" doubted him who he was about to call. "Is it Ita Saleh?" He confirmed the owner of the mobile phone right after I pick up the call, I respond quickly, "Yes, its me". He was afraid of calling the wrong person, that might be a pastor or any other 'holy person'.

He abruptly asked whether now I dedicate my self as a pastor [since he knew me as a professional hotelier] by hearing the "ring back tone". I giggle, laughing at my self. A pastor? Wow, never picture or imagine my self as a pastor.

But my life, if it is not dedicated to HIS glory, what on earth am I here for, isn't it? No matter the occupation nor position I hold.

Long way before we born, even before the world was created, GOD had already a plan for us, as a part of HIS global plan for this universe. Apostle Paul said we are God's partner in accomplishing HIS plan and will on this earth. HE created us only to worship HIM.

How would we worship HIM? Do every single thing in our life to the best standard for HIS glory name. We don't have to always be a preacher or pastor or church full timer to serve GOD whole hearted.

Do our best according to our calling. Our life is HIS "show room" to show the world HIS love and mercy and grace [as my senior pastor said]. It doesn't mean that we would never fail, but in every failure HE will show us HIS mercy to lift us up and restore our life.

TRUE THINGS ABOUT ME

How well do I know myself? (when it comes to the stage of writing them down, well, let’s see). So, here they come :

• Born as Chinese-Indonesian, in November 15 1972 in a small town in Kediri, East Java, Indonesia
• Grew up there till finishing my senior high school, then I continued study in Hotel and Tourism in Nusa Dua - Bali
• After moving several times, pursuing my career as a hotelier, now I live in Surabaya, where is only 2 hours drive from Kediri
• When in my childhood, I was called (read : was bullied) as a "Cina item" in Bahasa Indonesia, or "black Chinese", its from an unique combination of my complexion and eyes which is ...
• Got commonly Indonesian complexion and yet so authentic oriental look with small Chinese eyes.
• I am the only daughter in the family, no sibling
• My Papa passed away when I was 11 and my Mom when I was 13
• I have been starting to make important decisions of my life since then
• I have a degree in Hotel and Tourism, started career as hotelier, and still being so, am a Hotelier, and ....
• A professional in Human Resources Management and people strategic learning & development
• Got married when I was 21, divorced when my kid was 2 years old, my friends said : "Too young to tie the knot" :)
• My lovely little Kiki now is a beautiful grown-up woman
• I am a single working mom
• I enjoy my singleness, nevertheless I do not want to spend the rest of my life alone
• I love my job, but I am not my job
• I am a people oriented, interested in learning about people, culture, behavior, way of life
• My life is so colorful, although its tough sometimes - C'est la vie
• I believe all things work for my good
• I'm a positive person who always (try to) look at the positive sight of every happening.
• I've been learning to be more patient and persistent, more discipline and consistent
• I am so love to be taken photographed, although without any make up. While on the contrary, 
• Stand up on a BODY SCALE is the most thing I hate
• I had my first camera when I was 9 years old
• I love singing, to me it’s a kind of a self expression and stress release, and the pretty way I worship God.
• I always on “see food” diet. It means when I SEE food I EAT it. That is what I describe my diet. No, I  am kidding - I eat according to my goal, to be healthy!
• I don’t cook daily - I am trying to learn as part of my attempt to fulfill my role as a Mom (and Dad as well), thank God my daughter had never complained (not at all) of any dishes I serve, on the other hand she always say thankfully “Thank you Mommy. This is good and I love you” (Wow, what a blessing!!!)
• I laugh a lot as well as cry a lot. The most enjoyable moment is when I laugh at my saddest situation, laugh at the hardship. Its a part of God's amazing grace. I believe HIS grace is the only strength to sustain me while being in the hardship.
• I hate hypocrisy - but in this wretched place, I have no other way but to accept it calmly and never let it ruin my life
• I am a city woman - I freaked out when traveling to remote areas
• I am not attached to my mobile phone and laptop, at least I try not too. I (surely) can live without it, but nowadays, all is about connection, yup! Work, social life, daily needs... Life is at hand. Well, basically I do not want to be controlled by mobile phone 
• I love to read - but forget what I have read as soon as I closed the book :p
• I still make mistakes in 'he' 'his' and 'she' 'her' - English is not my first language
• I love good steak - but I wish to become a vegetarian one day [Hmm..., can I?]
• I judge book from its cover. Yes, I do, at the first encounter, I notice gesture and diction!
• I am scared of dolls and transvestites, cross dressed men (they scare the living hell out of me!!)
• I am always amazed by the energy of an Aerobic Instructor :-) (my daughter laughs every time I tell her this, because I only amazed by it and never really try to do Aerobic itself)
• Oftentimes, I don't finish reading all the books displayed near my bed lamp, the guilty feeling arise every time I see them being neglected, ups!! 
• Relax means, let my alarm clock beeping, snooze it ten times and still I don't get up from my bed
• Traveling is my other hobby
• I can't take hot [pedas] food, it causes me a stomachache and that I would be taking a 'sick leave' the day after. My staffs would always remind me when I took a chili or any kind of 'sambal' that - "Ma'am, tomorrow is not a day off". Sambal/Cabai or chilli  is only for Friday lunch since Saturday I can take the whole following day off to 'enjoy' the stomachache.
• Avoid drinking while having meals, otherwise I got a full stomach instantly
• Can not help seeing a piece of hair fall, got to move on and pick it up and throw it away, out of my sight
• Impulsive [trying hard to handle this better]
• Loving and caring person [my friends would love to give testimony about this. Yes!]
• Convincing (aha!!)
• Moody
• I hate numbers
• I love (enjoying) flowers but not to plant and take care of them growing
• I love roses, to me they "speak" love in a language that only heart can understand :)
• I love coffee, my daughter has to stop me when I took more than 2 cups a day, unintentionally. 
• I am so predictable, anyway.
• If I came to the same eating places as I've visited them before, I would take exactly the same menu. I bet you, I will.
• I am grateful with friendship, remembering their birthday is one of the ways I keep them in touch.
• I like to hold the hand of people who is near me, whether we are sitting or walking together. Of course not just anyone's hand, for me it is a gesture of mine that is saying that I care about him/her.
• My daughter and I always hold hands, whenever and wherever that was possible.
• I accept and love my self the way I am. A good friend of mine, Edgar Dy said that happiness comes to the point of acceptance. 
• I hate falling in love. It causes my intellectual level go down to the bottom and my emotions take control (No one is smart when in love).
• Just like believing, loving is a decision. So, instead of falling in love, I would mindfully choose to love!
• I wish I still keep in touch with people who had helped me in the past, those had invested time to (even only) pray for me, they have taken a part of making me the way I am today
• One of the reason I start this blog is that oftentimes I wanted to share things / story, I got no one around
• The 2nd reason is that I love English, try hard to consistently post the new entries (articles) in English, I still in a big enthusiasm to learn it more, although some posts I intend to post it in Bahasa Indonesia for special reasons
• Call me 'old fashioned' but when in a relationship (unfortunately), I am faithful.
• I hate skinny people who always complain that they are fat
• Since primary school, I have shown my leadership skill and always wanted to be the leader of the crowd. My perception is, I don't want to be just someone in the crowd, just one of those people, I wanna be recognized, I want to stand out! That's why, most of the time, people will choose me (or I volunteer) to be the leader of group
• I am a miracle believer. Miracle is an intervention by God to make something happen that would not normally happen
• If I could change one thing about myself, it would be my moodiness
• The talent I wish I had is the ability to play piano
• I am a perfume lover, I do it since I was a kid, I used to take and sprayed my Mom's perfume to my school uniform and just feel more confident. I believe everyone loves the fragrance or I was just influenced by the commercials, but still,  I love perfume,  the fragrance always do good to me, especially when not in a good mood
• I love pashmina too, pashmina can just do fantastic in changing my dress style, from business attires to party dress, just substitute office jacket with a pashmina, and ..... bingo! Simple, elegant, classy!
• I am always so excited to take shower again and again every time I have new fragrance of body soap or shower gel
• I love watching movies. I learn a lot from movies. Some movies I watched repeatedly and while watching I will  be busy google-ing anything related to the movie.
• In unpleasant situations, music always helps me in turning my mood better. It always does.
• What motivates me to do _the extra miles_ in work or personal life? A sense of meaning (usefulness) for others, while ...
• Criticism somehow makes me down. They are not always bad, some of them were really a constructive feedback, but still, it takes me sometime to accept it and be okay with it
• When in panic, sad, or in unpleasant situation, what I look for to ease my self first is water, to wash my hand, it feels like that I had clean and free from this unpleasant things
• I believe that when someone in love he / she would be in a big curiosity of his / her crush, always wanting to know more and more, and will remember every detail of it. I think being romantic is impossible without having those details in mind
• One of my consideration in choosing hair salon is the magazines they provide
• What kind of person I am? What kind of personalities live in me? In 3 words, in my own language, in my humble opinion, I am a simple, logic and caring person (wink)

[hmmm..... I think, that is all for now, this post will always be updated along the way I get to know myself better day to day, and I will write them down soon I got it in my mind]

NEVER MIND

I Fail. Again? Yes, I fail again [and again, and again]

Start all over again. I hate to declare this, since oftentimes it relates to the things that have not been successfully done. It means I FAIL.

How many times have I failed? Fail to commit to my self, fail to be good and nice all day long, fail to fulfill my prayer times, fail to control my anger, fail to be more compassion to others, fail to humble my self, fail to be consistent, fail to keep a healthy life style in diet, fail to forgive somebody, even fail to keep a promise to myself.

The hardest thing to face the failure is dealing with the guilty feeling. The time when I have to learn to forgive my self and move on. The time when I have to accept my self the way I am. The time to let my self start a new beginning again. Yes, every beginning is difficult. The worse part is when I fail to believe in my self, fail to believe in success and even fail to believe that GOD can 'change' my failure to be a victory. I never realize that when I lost my faith, it was an ignorant of GOD's mercy and HIS amazing grace.

GOD remind me softly that HE is an individual of perfection. HE is perfect, but none of us. It said that to err is very human and failure is a part of it, but HE assured me that HIS abundant love will guide me through the way I have to go through all failure, through every wall that I have to climb, every tunnel I have to go through, to reach my dreams. HE said even through the roadway in the wilderness HE will lead me. HE will [not only] open the way but HE make a way for me.

GOD wants me to know that even in every failure HE is in charge. HE is there to remind me to stand still and put my hope only in HIS mercy and love. GOD has power to do what HE has promised. I always have HOPE and HIS strength to move on, to stand up every time I fall.

So, never mind fail, they are the beauty of life, these failures. What would life be without them? It would not be worth having if it were not for struggles. Never mind the struggles, the mistakes. I never heard a cow tell a lie, but it is only a cow—never a man. So never mind these failures, these little backsliding, hold the ideal a thousand times, and if you fail a thousand times, make the attempt once more. [it was quoted by one of my good friend, AJ]

{Jeremiah 29:11"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"}