This is not a new post, anyway! I have this article posted on June 2017 in Bahasa Indonesia, well, I was just too lazy to translate it in English. Since the topic is still a hot issue …. I decided to translate it in English, though!
Here you go ……
Falling in love is the sweetest feeling yet confusing. Its wonderful when we have the love back, hahaha ….. Nowadays, especially in big cities, bitterness because of being rejected can be caused not only because we don't have the same feelings, but ...
-------speaking from the perspective of a woman------ Well, in my position as single working mother, I have the advantage (if I may call so) to (kind of) observe many type of relationship, and unfortunately I hear more bad stories than the good or beautiful ones (ouch!), and somehow it takes me to be more cautious.
Back to the topic!
I have a close friend who works in an international five-star hotel in Jakarta. Her position was one of the directors, an executive committee. I don't know whether I have to give her sympathy or …, She often falls for the “wrong” person. I remember few years ago she said that she liked someone, and eventually found out that this guy was a gay, and exactly the same thing happened again years later.
"I don't know he’s a gay, he looks really straight" my friend said confidently, when our other friends laughed at her situation. Hmmm, surely she then feels stupid. "You are not stupid, you just don't know" I said, trying to give an understanding and sympathy. We can't choose who to fall in love with. Heart wants what it wants.
A person's charm is usually the first reason we like them. Some years ago maybe "being rejected" only meant between men and women (heterosexual), but nowadays the link is getting more complicated. We can't resist someone's charm, the charm at in any form of it, physical, attitude, behavior, smartness, wittiness, etc.
Meanwhile another friend asked my opinion about her ex who she also suspected was a gay. She confided me of how much she wanted the guy to better admit everything to her. "All my gay friends have confirmed that he is gay, how come I still deny that he’s also one of them, huh?" My friend asked (which is more precisely the rhetorical question to herself). "Why is it so hard for me to believe that he is gay?" (because you're in love, Darling ....) :D
For those who were born to conservative families, being homosexual (gay or lesbian) is like having a time bomb in themselves. Many have finally admitted to their families that they are same-sex enthusiasts and end up being rejected, some even expelled. For reasons of fear of rejection, expulsion, also that they don't want to disappoint parents, they prefer to keep everything for years. The burden they carry on their own (they might only share it with their closest friends), and it's never been easy.
Being a homosexual according to research is not a physical or mental illness. Nor is it a phenomenon or anomaly. The pros and cons of the decision of some people to accept and live as homosexual will never be ended. This also forces many same-sex lovers to survive by living with their 'normal' identity and seek independence as homosexuals in special moments and places where they are free to be themselves.
In the movie "De Lovely" starring Kevin Kline and Ashley Judd, the story of a gay who decided to get married with normal woman, was told beautifully and sadly. The film is based on the true story of Cole Porter, an American songwriter in the 1950s. Cole marries his best friend, Linda, who actually knows that he is a same sex lover. But Linda tried to accept the situation and undergo their marriage as usual, because Cole also seemed serious enough to want to be her husband. At the end of his life Linda actually assigned a young man to look after Cole after his departure. Although in that era Cole also lived his homosexual life under the radar of the social environment, the situation continued even as long as he married Linda.
The acceptance of Linda can only be done by few people. What Linda felt during her marriage to Cole might not be love in the true sense. The film "De Lovely" depicts Cole and Linda as two people who love each other, beyond the limits of understanding, sexual identity and orientation. Cole is a man with high sexual orientation in same-sex, while marriage makes him later have sexual relations with his wife, Linda.
Coming out, or telling our environment that they have different sexual orientations requires courage and understanding of the risks that follow later. As I said, finally many choose to live a "normal" life and seek freedom to be themselves at certain times among certain people who they trust.
Another friend of mine, he is a gay, and has been open to his parents & friends of his sexual orientation, he also believes that when a normal woman marry a homosexual is like sacrifice herself every day, while the man could also disappointed because he can't actualize himself, disappointed because surely they prefer to be with someone with same sex orientation/homosexual. All of his freedoms were taken away.
But guess what, there are many gays who want to have kids too, in the midst of same-sex relationships they are living. Perhaps this is what makes some of them 'brave' enough to get married, to have kids, not from the adoption. They seek happiness from having children who are truly born from the womb of a woman.
Everything is indeed a matter of self-actualization. The happiness we are looking for is what we determine. Life for certain people is very complicated, for us it might actually be quite simple. A simple life might mean expressing who we really are because it is the only way to actualize ourselves. But simple life may also mean living life just like other "normal" people out there, which means hiding their true identity, because people aren't prepared for the “uniqueness” they have.
(back to my friend’s question that need an answer)
“There is only few special people who can live a marriage like Linda in that movie, and you’re not one of those special people those who are given a truly kind heart and patience to accept and love sincerely, sacrifice what she dream about living a marriage life.
You have to realize that the guy is not what you think he is. You have already an image in your mind that (somehow) has sabotaged your logic. So, If you meet someone who feels like you're going to fall for him, find out who he truly is, think logic, and LOVE logically!”
Plus, no one is smart when in love, so forgive yourself, that’s OK!”- and I gave her a hug
(big smile)
