WHY DO YOU LEAVE ME?

Have you ever felt like left alone and being neglected? Being misunderstood, struggle with no help at all, alone and no one seems around to lend a shoulder to cry on, no one understand, no one listen, no one to share or you just simply not able to share the things, and seems that all those prayers were just bounced back from the ceiling.

My quiet devotion time led me to Jesus’ struggle in the garden of Gethsemane. Jesus was sad, felt like was being left and alone, and scared of what will happen to HIM. Yes, at the shape of HIS humanity HE felt so. HE said : “MY soul is very sad, even to death ….” (Mark 14:34). Even HIS Disciples could not help themselves sleeping and let HIM prayed alone.

Jesus prayed and repeatedly questioned The Lord of the possibility of taking the cup away from HIM, HE said : “Abba, Father, all things are possible to YOU, take away this cup from me, but even so not let my pleasure, but YOURS be done. (Mark 14:36). At the cross, HE was totally left by God, "Jesus said in a loud voice, Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachtani, My God, My God .... why are you turned away from ME?" (Mark 15:34)

No doubt, all things are possible to God. There is nothing HE can’t do. HE COULD definitely take the cup away from Jesus and not let all the torture and pain along the way to Calvary happen, and absolutely not let the crucifixion happen. But, we knew that Jesus’ prayers were not GRANTED.  While in HIS words God clearly said that : “…. Things which are not possible with man are possible with God” (Luke 18:27) Then, why didn’t God answer to Jesus’ prayer, and let the cup possibly taken from him? Wasn’t it possible to HIM?

“For God had such love for the world that HE gave HIS only Son, so that whoever has faith in HIM may not come to destruction but have eternal life” (John 3:16) That is the reason. That is the plan, God’s great salvation plan, that was fulfilled and carried out through the death of Jesus, that was how we reach our salvation, by having faith in Jesus.

So, I know now why God let all those things happen to me, where God is when I was in struggle, why HE kept in silence when I just made a careless decision. What HE is doing when I was wrong.  Sometimes HE let me walk alone, for I know that HE has equipped and prepare me to deal with life. HE has shown me HIS wisdom in silence. HE carries me in HIS shoulder when I don’t even have strength to walk anymore. HE let me laugh a while, to refresh and boost the energy to move forward …… in this sometimes ‘bumpy road’ called LIFE.

YES, HE possibly takes all the struggles away from me, but …… HE lets me prove that HE has given me strength to overcome any situation. HE said that HIS grace is sufficient for me to live my life. HE has a plan for me.  I may not understand now, but HE will bring me the next level of understanding of HIS love, HIS faithfulness, HIS wisdom.  “For MY thoughts are not your thought, or your ways MY ways, says The Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are MY ways higher than your ways, and MY thought than your thought” (Isaiah 55:8-9)

Its just like an athlete that must do exercise with increased intensity day by day to gain the endurance. All those struggles and pain are to prepare and strengthen me to face and handle whatever life brings. And, let’s not forget that HE has a plan, a bigger plan, a victorious plan. “…. In quiet and rest is your salvation, peace and hope are your strength….” (Isaiah 30:15)

What about you? Are you in a certain situation now and keep questioning where God is, and why HE let these things happen to you? Just hang in there, keep in faith, because the truth is God has never left us alone.  HE has a plan for you! “For I know the plans I have for you, declares The Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11)

***Bible scriptures are copied from Basic English Version-Bible

REDEEM THE TIME

It was just few days before my 40^th birthday, this thought was passing by my mind : “Wow, this would be my last days of being in the late 30^th” – “hari terakhir berumur 30~an”.

That is not related to the achievement or any of things I’ve done in life but more to what I could not do well in life and I was enforced to redeem my time. Yes, redeem my time. Our most precious natural asset is TIME.  Redeeming the time is not just working harder, but rather it is giving GOD our time and operating it in faith.

Time is important.  Time is something I think I wish I had more of it, more time to sleep, more time to read, more time to eat, more time to be with my beautiful Kiki, more time with God, more time to chat with friends, more time to practice and gain a healthy life, well, simply just more time.

I don’t agree with the term of “time management” because it is not the time that we manage but ourselves as every one on this earth granted with 24 hours a day, none is exceptional. I find myself making the time excuse about exercise, because deep down I really don't want to exercise. Do we sometimes make the "time" excuse because “there is no time” is actually something we deep down don't want to do?  I don't do them because quite frankly I didn't feel like it.

Sometimes however, we do find ourselves in busy times of life where we really can't break away.  As you wake up and walk out the door to work and don't end until you got home and hit the pillow. Yet, God has been so gracious to me and I have still been able to read, write and continue doing things in what so called ---me time----.

Redeeming time, buying up those moments which others seem to throw away, steadily improving every present moment, that we may, in some measure, regain the time we have lost, therefore, buy up the time.

Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12)

I've been learning that being serious toward life itself is enough for me. I just need to fulfill my tasks on daily basis faithfully, knowing that I've done every one of it to my utmost, and I leave the rest to God.

Making the most of your time, because the days are evil (Ephesians 5:16)

LIFE BEGINS AT 40

People say ---Life begins at 40---. Why so? I think it is because, generally by that age, we have been through the insecurities and brashness of youth and have (hopefully) established ourselves in a place where we feel comfortable and no longer have to prove ourselves to anyone. We should have gained quite a lot of experience in life by that age and don't keep repeating the mistakes we made previously which made us or those around us unhappy. We have learned not to talk before we think and that we don't automatically know everything, and we are open to other peoples' thoughts and opinions. Even if we do not agree with them, we respect their right and their beliefs. 

Having my birthday (Nov 15), helps me to feel more acutely the passing of time, and that’s very good for my soul, because I need to be reminded that I’m getting older. I need to be reminded that I have a limited amount of time on this earth.  For this reason, every year I have a little birthday tradition : I study Psalm 90—a Psalm that helps me meditate on the fleeting nature of life. And as I look ahead to upcoming years, I ask GOD to give me "a heart of wisdom". The passing of a year is a chance for me to humbly reflect on the brevity of life and, in doing so, to see more clearly what matters most.

I thank GOD for a lovely daughter, healthiness, very few but truly genuine friends, a good job, lessons in life and an unknown but exciting future. YES, I am 40 and fantastic!

Psalm 90:12 “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom

WHAT DOES LOVE MEAN?

I asked some people the same question, what love means to them, they gave spontaneous answers, and I wrote them down, some answers I took from old emails. These are sweet, cute, touching, profound and some very practical answers to that question.

I will start with what my lovely daughter Kiki said about love : “My mommy loves me more than anybody. She kisses me to sleep at night, she never stop singing till I fall asleep, she never get bored saying "I love you" even a thousand times a day, and keep saying that I am beautiful even when I am sweating. I hear she calls my name in her prayers”

Then, what is the meaning of love according to :

Robert Rimkoski : Love is many things but true love is when my body aches with joy and sadness at the same time.  When I feel like enough is never enough.  When just holding hands together makes me complete then I know I have found it.

Robert Swanson : “Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope, it can outlast anything. Love still stands when all else has fallen.”

Erly : “It is the way I show and express my feeling to a special person by giving him special gift, care and attention, a touch (French kiss is included), thinking of him all the time, accept him the way he is, never intend to change it.”

Ma’am Titi : “When she’s older and fat, and he doesn’t mind. When he has no money, and she doesn’t mind, she works to cover the expenses.”

Edgar Dy : "What will make her happy is the most important, that is my primordial concern"

Jacques : “When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.”

Ibu Yok : “If you find a woman who is willing to go through hell just to keep the relationship going, you really should not take her for granted, that is pure love.”

Made : “Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.”

Dhe Nia : “Love is when I put my foot in his shoes, be emphatic, understand him well, willing to change and adjust my self to his preference, his happiness matters more than mine.”

Linda : “Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.”

Tenny : “Love is when her happiness is more important than mine, and I will do anything to please her, I even willingly prioritize her above mine.”

Grace : “Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.”

Daniel : “Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.”

Anita : “Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss”

Yani : “I happily wake up early morning every day to prepare all his needs and make him a cup of coffee, I accept him the way he is.”

Steve : “If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,”

Titus : “Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.”

Elisabeth : “Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends, even after they know each other so well.”

Monica : “During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my Daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.”

Ella : “Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.”

Christian : “Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is more handsome than Brad Pitt.”

Audrey : “I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.”

Edwin : “When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toe nails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.”

Jessica : “You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot.”

And, to me, love is : “Praying for him more than for myself, keep smiling when he reject my calls, and keep sending him my "love" text messages even never got replied, and if life is a journey, I choose to travel with him.“

If you can’t describe your love now, that is okay, maybe to you it has its own reason, its own answers, and its own explanations, or maybe it has never meant to be understood. Some thoughts are better left unsaid, some feeling are better left kept unexpressed, but for this deep feeling, I don’t wanna miss my chance and will not let it unsaid : I LOVE YOU, pray for you is my way to hug you from a distance. You always be in my heart.

“Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love.” (1 Corinthians 13:13 NLV)