STUCK - UNANSWERED PRAYER

Its translated by Wikipedia – free online dictionary, stuck means not moving or flowing or motionless. Its only showing little or no sign of activity or advancement, not developing or progressing.

I had ever gone through a stagnant period of my life. When I felt uninspired and unmotivated, nothing moves, dreams were far away from coming true, problem after problem, when everything seemed like out of God’s sight and I only lived a “deadly life” a life without soul, hopeless, exhausted, prayers just blown away.

When prayer seems more like struggle and I found myself repeating the same requests over and over and even wonder, "Is anyone really listening?" Then I cried out loud : “Did it mean anything to YOU, Lord? I didn’t see things happen”.

Many times I just sit back and learn to live with things that are less than God’s best. I was just hopeless that life is ever going to get any better.

How about you? Have you ever been in a stagnancy of your life? Prayers are left unanswered?

Do you realize that even not all Jesus’ prayers were being answered? I take comfort in remembering that Jesus too, had unanswered prayers. It was occurred in the garden of Gethsemane, when Jesus struggled with God, pleading with loud cries and tears to the one who could save HIM from death. “Everything is possible for YOU” Jesus pleaded to the Father. “Take this cup from me”.

But, we all might have known, it was not happening. HE died on the cross. The cup was not being taken from HIM. HE did not get the salvation but HE got instead the salvation of the world.

There are no unanswered prayers, but sometimes the answer is NO.

But, do we believe that no matter it takes HIS plan is the best for us? Do we believe that HE is never leave us alone?

God never promise a life without pain, laughter without tears. HE never promised that you won't meet a problem, but HE promised that you are able to solve it. HE grants you sufficient grace and strength to live your life.

We can stir our faith today to rise up higher, be happier, and live a more fulfilled life. We’ve got to learn how to shake of complacency.

When waiting your prayers answered, HE provides you patience. When having your prayers answered, HE adds you faith. When later HE says NO, HIS courage and strength are sufficient to hold you and keep your heart remain joyful. Keep praying !!

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION

Entering 2011, a new year is always a new chance, new hope of change and a resolution. There’s a saying that new is for change, without change new is unnecessary.

I’ve never thought seriously about a resolution of a new year so far. What I have done usually after counting down the time is to thank God on HIS kindness, strength and grace HE granted me along the years passed by, and a little prayer that the upcoming year would be better than before. It has never been that distinctive and specific goal I set for next year.

Better is never measurable. I avoid committing myself to something which is measurable by numbers or any other metric. For instance, to have some Kg’s of weight loss within 6 or 12 executing months.

Even it was just for fun, I had ever declared of a funny resolution which I called “RESOLUSI TAHUN BARU ANTI GAGAL” (a fail proof new year’s resolution). What was in it? It contains of a row of non measurable things to be achieved in the upcoming year, such as : to be a better person, more love and care, laugh a lots, et cetera. How could you declare yourself achieve things without knowing / measuring the achievement?

How would you measure yourself of becoming a better person? How good you would become? This kind of promise or resolution or commitment is never ever been able to be justified. So, you can’t determine whether you success to accomplish it or fail at all.

I hate to declare myself of starting all over again. WHY? Oftentimes it relates to the things that I have not successfully done. That’s why a new year’s resolution is never been serious to me before. I was afraid to make a mistake and fail. It is hard dealing with failure and the guilt. The worse part is when I fail to believe in my self.

But, something come across my mind, a bothering question then. Despite a new year's resolution,  isn't a plan  needed before executing things? Don't we believe that when we fail to plan we plan to fail? I had never realized when I lost my faith dealing with failure, it was an ignorant of God's mercy and grace that enable me to stand up every time I fall.

This thought was encouraging me to think of a plan how to live my life in the upcoming year, more than just a beautiful resolution, but I have to oversee my regimen in order to gain meaningful things in  life, that I have to move from a comfortable zone by living a mediocre life to a miraculous zone to live a blessed victorious life.

What’s now? Here is some of my measurable new year’s resolution.

1.      Live  a healthy life by having exercise 4 times a week at 2 hours / each

2.      Spend 2 more hours to read

3.      Post new entry into my blog twice a month

4.      (What else? Some more personal things that I could not share, but believe me, they are all measurable).

Finally, my wish for you, may you have a bright today with much to be thankful for, a path that leads to the beautiful tomorrows, dreams that do best to come true and an appreciation of all the wonderful things about you. May The Lord lead you every step into victory of your life, grant you strength to live and accomplish your new year’s resolution.

HAPPY NEW YEAR !!

SILVER REFINERY

There is a place in the south part of Jogjakarta, known as Kotagede where it is a central of silver handy craft and jewelries. When touring to that area, besides viewing silver handy craft which is displayed on the show case, buyers or visitors are also allowed to visit their workshop, where the process of refinery and crafting take place.

In the workshop, I watched the silversmith sit in front of the fire, held a piece of silver over the fire, in the middle of fire where the flames were hottest and let it heat up. This process is aimed to burn away all the impurities.

The silversmith had to hold the silver and moreover keep his eyes on it the entire time it was in the fire for being refined. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. This process is finished when the silversmith could see his image in the silver. In this state means the silver is fully refined.

The silver refining process reminds me of how God refine and shape us, to burn away all the impurities. I could imagine the pain if I were a silver. Troubles and life struggle are the time of God’s process of refining us, to purify our heart.

If today, you are feeling the heat of fire, when the trouble comes, when life struggle, remember that HE is holding us and never left us a moment, HE keeps watching us through the entire process, till HE sees HIS image in us.

Malachi 3 : 3 “HE will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver …. “

A MOMENT OF GRATITUDE

It is only few hours now heading to my birthday moment, November 15.

This is what I have in my mind. I am trying back to focus that my life is not only about gaining my goals, but live a grateful life to God’s never ending love and HIS faithfulness.

A birthday is a new beginning of another 365 days ahead, and always a moment of gratitude to The Lord Jesus for every day's blessing, guidance, love, strength and HIS faithfulness. When I recall the way HE leads me to the present time, I am forever grateful.

I am grateful, I am grateful …..

I will praise YOU, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are YOUR works, and that my soul knows very well. [Psalm 139 : 14]

WHAT IF ...

“Bapa surgawi ajarku mengenal
Betapa dalamnya kasihMU
Bapa surgawi buatku mengerti
Betapa kasihMU padaku

Semua yg terjadi di dalam hidupku
Ajarku menyadari KAU selalu sertaku
B’ri hatiku selalu bersyukur padaMU
Kar’na rencanaMU indah bagiku”

Someone reminds me of this old song which was sung by Lex’s Trio in the 80’s. The most powerful lyric emphasized is : “Semua yg terjadi di dalam hidupku, ajarku menyadari KAU selalu sertaku …”. (Anything happens in my life, teach me to realize that YOU always be with me).

Many times we are twisted and shaken by bad things happen in our life. Then thousand questions addressed to God : “Why should we face this problem? Why should we lose our beloved one? Why should this relationship break up? Why should we deal with this difficult person? Why does it take too long for God answer our prayers?”.

I do believe anything happens, it happens for a reason. There is nothing a coincidence. A coincidence is when God works anonymously. My friends, God has the reason and the reason is US.

We were created for God enjoyment, to accomplish HIS will. The most challenging and interesting way to learn is from human. Human inspires human. “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friends”. (Proverbs 27:17)

We tend to blame God of all those bad happenings and unpleasant circumstances. I think if God himself has to teach us HIS way, we might not understand, so HE has to show us the life lessons to learn.

I have been through things, and at the end of the story, I would shout out loud that God is true. It was just when I didn’t understand the whole scenario. In the times of temptation, when we have to go through trying times, often we doubt HIS goodness, question HIS faithfulness.

“What if HE let me going through this time alone?”
“What if HE doesn’t help me out of this problem?”
“What if HE didn’t do miracles like in the past?”
“I know HE is powerful and able to do that, but what if HE doesn’t want to do it for me?”
“What if ……

On the contrary, let’s exchange the questions to be :
“What if HE is faithful and shall never let me through this time alone?”
“What if HE cares?”
“What if HE is good?”
“What if HE loves me so much more than I do to HIM?”

Trust HIM with no prejudice. Never let yourself walks away from HIS way. HE is with us, in the time of trouble, in the time of temptation. HIS goodness and mercy shall follow us, the rest of our days. Keep ourselves in joy. Joy is not the absence of trouble, but the presence of God. Joy is the flag that flies above the castle of troubles.

“Let those who fear The Lord now say, HIS mercy endures forever”. (Psalm 118:4)

God is good, HIS mercy endures forever. Bahwasanya untuk selama-lamanya kasih setiaNYA.


Notes to Dotty Lilipaly : my dear Sister, “thank you” is never enough to express my gratitude and appreciation to you, for being with me, for become “an angel without wings” God grants me.

GOD IS NOT TURNING AWAY

This writing is dedicated to Erin on the passing away of her beloved Mom.

Erin is one of my daughter’s school mates while in PETRA elementary school. They were three and closed each other : Kiki, Claudia and Erin. [in this picture : upper part : Kiki, center : Claudia and right :Erin].

I myself know Erin’s mother well, we met quite often especially in the parents meeting and fellowship. Erin’s father is a reverend who gives his life to serve in the small church at the north part of my home town, Kediri.

It was shocking when few weeks ago we got a news on the passing away of Erin’s Mom due to a traffic accident. What suddenly I had in my mind was how Erin would react to this situation.

I remember, I was at her age when losing my Mom. I had a really happy childhood and when my mother died, I felt like it was the end of the world.

Everybody was busy themselves during the funeral and after all I was left alone, no shoulders to cry on, no friends to share, no siblings to hug and shed my tears. I had to be able to encourage my self during this transitional age, from a kid to a teenager.

There was an anger in me, the anxiety of why God take my Mom, whereas HE knew I was still in the mourning due to passing away of Papa. I really didn’t understand God’s way. I thought HE was turning away, turning HIS face away from me.

Well, it has been 24 years ago when all those happened. Now, I accept all those happenings joyfully since I believe God was just too wise to be mistaken by taking my Papa and Mom away.

HE carefully touch my life and whisper all the time to my ears : “Ita, I’ll never leave you alone, I’ll be with you all the time and your future is in MY hands”. Just as day time shifted to the night, when the sun rise and set, all the cycle of life, God is in charge and promised to be an ever present help in time. I had to trust HIM, and as it is began, my hopeless days turns into treasured moments with HIM.

This is what I would like to share with Erin. God is not turning away when all the troubles and hardship come. Joy and sorrow, happiness and trouble are just the season of life, but they will also declare the presence of God. Joy is not the absence of hardship but the presence of God, all the time.

** Erin, Auntie Ita and Kiki, express our deepest condolences on the passing away of your beloved Mom. Though she may move beyond our reach, but she is in Heavenly Father’s care.

Keep strong in faith. Jesus loves you, so do we!!


*** Precious in the sight of The Lord is the death of HIS faithful ones. [Psalm 116 : 15]

I AM BACK

Counting down the time, September, August, July, June, May, April, March ...., ups!. It was 21st of March that I posted my last thought. Its been very long time, indeed, too long.

Why is that so long?

1. I had been deadly busy with work
2. Serious relationship problems arise and distracted my mind
3. I have nothing to share that might be become a blessings to others while I myself struggling in those problems

But, here I am again. This is a short note to greet you all and say HELLO, I am back.

FORGOTTEN

[John 5 : 1-9 / NIV]

The healing at the pool
1.Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for a feast of the Jews. 2.Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. 3.Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. 4.For an angel went down at a certain season into the pool, and troubled the water: whosoever then first after the troubling of the water stepped in was made whole of whatsoever disease he had. 5.One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. 6.When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, "Do you want to get well?"

7."Sir," the invalid replied, "I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me."

8.Then Jesus said to him, "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk." 9.At once the man was cured, he picked up his mat and walked.

**********

Every time I read this passage [which I have done it repeatedly], I always get something new revealed deep inside my heart. This scripture speaks different and special message any time I read it, always a different message, a different revelation. This is my favorite passage.

The man has been paralyzed / invalid for thirty eight years. 38 years is enough to sink a dream, to fade a hope of restoration, to lost a hope of being healed, to raise up the feeling of being forgotten, a long time enough to regard God has forgotten to answer your pray, unless HE has a neat, tidy and structured agenda, the ‘things to do’ list which last life time through to remind HIM of the things to do.

Fortunately, HE does. HE never forgets you, HE never let you alone. The time HE saw the paralyzed man, The Bible noted HE KNEW [not that HE was just knowing it by the time HE passing by the man]. Then I think, why Jesus asked whether the man wish to be healed if HE knew?.

HE wakes you up. HE reminds you on the dream you hold on, HE reminds you on your unanswered prayers. HE reminds you that as long as you live there is always hope, HE never ignore your prayers. We feel of being forgotten, but HE never forgets you. Yes, HE has the list. The ‘things to do’ list, noted every single thing you brought up to HIM, your dream, your hope, your [what so called] ‘faith project’.

When waiting your prayers answered, HE provides you patience. When having your prayers answered, HE adds you faith. When later HE says NO, to your prayers, HIS courage and strength are sufficient to hold you and keep your heart remain joyful.

HE never let you alone, HE has a ‘list’ of your prayers. If you don’t see HIS plan, trust HIS heart. Keep strong in faith, for HE is faithful.

MISUNDERSTANDING - A YEAR END THOUGHT

Ups!! Its a bit late for a [kind]of a year end thought while we've been in the 2nd month of this current year of 2010. That is fine, I still want to write them down, share you what I have learned and been learning, still. It is to avoid a "misunderstanding" with God.

Simply saying, this is what I have in my mind, a year end thought : time goes by, every experience in life is a lesson learned, after all, LOVE and CARE will always be the power to exist and survive. [All things work for my good, after all, GOD is good. Some times, I didn't understand HIS plan, I only need to trust that I am saved in HIS hand].

Day by day, I learn to know HIM better, to understand HIS way better and to avoid a 'misunderstanding', he heee ...... [misunderstanding means when I wasn't in favor to accept HIS way for it wasn't the way I want things to be, mostly because I didn't get HIS entire scenario nor understanding HIS better plan, well, honestly, yesss, it does]

Herewith, the perfect sample of a "misunderstanding" [giggle mode ON]

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life. This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way, but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:
"My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering,when you see only one set of footprints,it was then that I carried you."

[it was copied from "The footprints on the sand"]

Please bear with me Lord. Let me know you better to avoid a misunderstanding. I love YOU.

ANGEL WITHOUT WINGS

The story was started on November 22 2008 when I was attending a women conference at the church held by our women ministry. Out of sudden, a lady approached me and she introduced herself. She said that she had ever seen me in her dream. Although we are in the same church [and I know she is the wife of one of the church's minister], but we don't know each other personally.

She sent me an email few days later, asking if we could spend some time together and have a chat. We set an appointment but the time goes by and we still could not fulfill it.

One fine evening, on November 6 2009, we had our dinner. Actually This was the very first time we had a conversation, a chat in real. She told me her family, her past, her most important part in life, the failure, the hurt, the recover, restoration. The way she live her life in God's grace. The way she live her faith. It was surely NOT the things she would share to everyone. We just did it, just like we have known each other years before.

I can't help my self from crying, a grateful tears, since everything she shared was God's answer of what I had been seeking so far. The most important thing I learned is the acceptance of her life, even when she had to go through hardship. Either the way she build a communication with God.

WHAT A COINCIDENCE, we didn't know each other before. I do believe there is nothing in my life is a coincidence. Coincidence is when God works anonymously. God worked in us at the very time. HE changed something in me, change the way I communicate with HIM, the way I respect and treat our relationship, the way I accept my self, change my paradigm.

My wrongdoings and sins had influenced my relationship with God, the guilty feeling is the biggest obstacle to restart the relationship, especially in prayer. I used to think that I had to prepare a special time with no disturbance to start talking with God, while she said I can talk and communicate with HIM whenever and wherever I am, without a guilty feeling. Because HE is our Father, our God, our Lord, our Best Friend, and a great counselor ever. [I knew it but never think and feel HE really is, what a bad attitude Ita !!]

Sharing about my daughter, she said that God's arrangement is amazing, just trust HIM and HE will make everything beautiful in its time.

Oh my God, what an amazing night YOU granted us. YOU [again] amaze me, even in an ordinary thing [which doesn't sound spiritual, or any of it], YOU answer my question, my doubt, YOU strengthen me through a good friend tonight, an angel without wings YOU sent to wake me up that YOUR abundant love and YOUR holy blood has removed my sins and place me to glorious life. YOU never leave, YOU live in me. YOU love me.

Note : my dearest friend, "thank you" is never enough to express my gratitude to your presence that night. You are an angel without wings God sent me. I deeply thank you.